Wing Mandates Use of Inclusive Language

by Smedley Butler

Wing Commander Col Rick Nielsen issued an instruction mandating the use inclusive language in all wing communications, internal and external. He also directed the use of a highlighter, or its digital word processing equivalent, whenever politically correct language is substituted for unacceptable words in documents and correspondence.

While issuing this directive, Nielsen said, “Language is important whenever we speak about our disadvantaged members who experience strife in ways other than natural means.” And that he, “expects a robust use of this policy throughout instances which might cause a disturbance.”

“It’s a pretty easy policy to implement,” said Maj Brad Desuis, the Wing Sensitivity-in-Print Officer. “For instance, in this In-Flight Emergency Procedures manual, we can’t use the word ‘cockpit’, because not all persons have a… Well… You know.”

He demonstrated, clicking around in a document on his computer. “So, everywhere we find that word, we put in the gender neutral ‘genital-place’. That’s acceptable because everyone has genitals. And then we highlight those changes in yellow. What was the ‘Sterile Cockpit Manual’ is now the perfectly acceptable ‘Non-reproductive Genital-place Personbook’. See? Too easy!”

“Drill and Ceremonies was a little tougher,” Desuis said. “Not everyone has a ‘drill’, and none of these kids are getting married anymore. So I had to get creative.” He showed off a document on his computer titled ‘March-Masterson and the Yes-No-Thank-You’.

Not everyone is happy with Nielsen’s requirement. Lt Col Dan Groves, the Assistant Wing Communications Officer and member of the Patrol for more than four decades, believes it will just make communications difficult. “I can’t even put together a simple instruction to my squadron commo boys without having to change and highlight every other damn word because of people’s feelings,” Groves said. “Back in my day, you could say what you thought and nobody said anything about it and everybody was fine.”

“On the other hand, though,” he continued. “I’m getting a lot fewer people telling me I’m an old [expletive].”

Col Nielsen concluded his presentation by stating, “I love our airmen who identity as men or women or other beings of the air with other proclivities.”