Local Chapter of the E-4 Mafia Expels Specialist After Discovering Civil Air Patrol NCO Status

by ANN Staff

FORT SOMEWHERE, IN — In a closed-door meeting held behind a motor pool connex, the Indiana National Guard’s unofficial E-4 Mafia Council voted unanimously this week to expel former Army Specialist Kevin “Kevdog” Ramirez after learning he had crossed the fence and become a Noncommissioned Officer in the Civil Air Patrol.

“This is betrayal on a generational level,” said Indiana National Guard Specialist T. Johnson Smith while standing guard next to a folding table covered in Monster cans and a laminated sham shield. “That guy went over the fence and didn’t say a word to anybody. He literally abandoned the ethos of the E-4 Mafia by becoming an NCO in this Air Patrol thing. It’s our equivalent of becoming a rat for the feds.”

Ramirez, who served honorably as a Specialist for six years without once volunteering for additional responsibility, was reportedly discovered after Smith engaged in routine “facecreeping operations” on social media.

“If I hadn’t been conducting routine surveillance, I’d have never known,” Smith said. “He was my buddy for ten years. He was a master shammer. He did a four-hour deep clean of an M4 that didn’t have a spec on it. He perfected the ‘I’m headed to supply’ maneuver. Then I see him in a short sleeve shirt with a zillion stripes and a smug look.”

Screenshots reviewed by the Council allegedly show Ramirez wearing crisp Civil Air Patrol insignia and standing in front of a group of teenagers while gesturing at what appeared to be a whiteboard.

“That’s an NCO stance,” one anonymous Specialist confirmed. “That’s the stance of a man who says things like ‘What’s the standard?’ and ‘Who’s responsible for this?’”

“Kevdog is gone,” he concluded sadly.

“He Used to Hide From Responsibility”

According to former associates, Ramirez once demonstrated exceptional commitment to the E-4 lifestyle, including:

• Successfully evading three separate details in a single drill weekend
• Completing an entire annual training rotation without once making eye contact with a platoon sergeant
• Executing what insiders call a “Level III Sham,” involving simultaneous non-specific bathroom occupancy, unneeded supply errand, and imaginary radio watch

“He used to disappear when leadership started asking questions,” Smith said. “Now he is leadership. That’s dark.”

Sources confirm Ramirez now holds the Civil Air Patrol rank equivalent to a Staff Sergeant and has allegedly been heard using phrases such as “mentorship,” “professional development,” and “servant leadership.”

“That’s how it starts,” said another Specialist. “First you’re mentoring. Next thing you know you’re correcting customs and courtesies and looking for the sergeant major for advice.”

Council Statement: “You Either Sham, or You Lead. You Cannot Do Both.”

In a formal statement etched onto the back of a DA Form 4856, the E-4 Mafia Council clarified its position:

“The Specialist ranks are built on trust, discretion, and plausible deniability. Any member who voluntarily assumes responsibility, enforces standards, or uses the phrase ‘backbrief me’ shall be considered compromised.”

The Council further accused Ramirez of “rank inflation” and “unauthorized stripe accumulation.”

“It’s unnatural,” Smith said. “He had it made. E-4 is peak existence. You know enough to avoid trouble but not enough to be accountable. And he threw that away to tell teenagers to take their hands out of their pockets.”

When contacted for comment, Ramirez reportedly stated: “I just wanted to give back. These kids deserve good NCOs.”

This statement was met with silence, followed by visible disgust, among Council members.

“That’s exactly what an NCO would say,” Smith stated, shaking his head sadly. “Next he’ll be talking about developing subordinates and saying, ‘to caveat off the commander’.”

“We’re not mad,” Smith concluded. “We’re disappointed. He used to be one of us. Now he’s correcting cadets needing haircuts and walking while they’re on their phones.”

At press time, Ramirez was reportedly preparing a class on “Followership and Initiative” while unaware that his E-4 Mafia membership card had been ceremonially cast into a burn pit.