Retired USAF 4 Star to Join Local Squadron

by ANN Staff

Members of the West Oahu Composite Squadron were excited to find out that a retired Air Force four-star general will be joining their unit.

Capt Jack Harris, the squadron commander, shares his thoughts: “It might be quite a challenge, what, with him being used to being in charge of like eleventy-thousand guys, and we’ve only got a couple dozen Cadets and a handful of Seniors. I got to admit, it’s a little intimidating. I mean, I’m the night manager at the Red Lobster.”

“I think overall he’s going to get a great West Oahu ‘Aloha’! Everyone is very excited.”

1Lt Mitchell Franks, the Deputy Commander for Seniors, isn’t convinced.

“I’m going to tear him a new [expletive],” he claims. “I make new seniors cry and everyone knows it. Why would this guy be an exception? He knows nothing, and he better get his [expletive] straight.”

Franks says that his inability to pass the Spaatz exam as a Cadet and not being accepted to the Air Force Academy, the General’s alma mater, will have no bearing on his approach to training his new Senior Member. “Please! Why should that bother me? He was cadet captain at the Zoo, I was a cadet lieutenant colonel in CAP, an organization that doesn’t go, ‘Good job with classes this year. Oh, by the way, here’s a promotion!'”

“Four stars!” Franks scoffs, pulling back a cuff to reveal a pair of diamonds discretely tattoed on the underside of his wrist. “You melt down those four stars and you wouldn’t have enough metal to make the twin diamonds I wore as an Eaker Cadet. I don’t care how many Air Force guys he commanded, he’s in MY WORLD now.”

“My question is: Why wait till now to join CAP?” Franks says. “He had the uniforms and haircut for decades, and all he had to do was drive across the base. He’s got no commitment, as far as I can see. He’s just another bored retiree coming late to the game looking for something to do in his golden years.”

Franks glances at the clock. “Time for Level 1!” he says with obvious anticipation, rubbing his hands together. “Wish him luck!”

With that, Franks steps into the squadron’s small classroom and closes the door behind him.

ANN has learned that, as of the publication of this article, the General failed the customs and courtesies portion of Level 1, and will remain a senior member without grade pending remedial training and retesting.