Cadet Programs Announces New Grade

by Fiorella LaGuardia

MAXWELL AFB, Ala — The Cadet Programs Directorate at NHQ issued a statement today announcing that the grade of Cadet Command Chief Master Sergeant was being created and implemented at Group and Wing levels. This is in response to requests from the field, and was thoroughly field tested and vetted before the adoption.

“It was a CAC suggestion,” says Richard Howard, National Cadet Advisory Council Coordinator. “So, like most of the crap they dream up, we were going to ignore it. But, some kid on one of the region CACs mentioned it to his uncle who was a retired Air Force Command Chief Master Sergeant and then the Air Force Sergeant’s Association got ahold of it and, well, at that point for a lot of reasons we couldn’t say no.”

“It just legitimizes exactly what we know cadets have been doing for years,” said National Cadet Program chief Ernie Harwell. “They get to chief master sergeant and then they stop. But this is like a separate track! It gives them the opportunity to continue to serve in the program.”

“The Spaatz Association objected vigorously,” Harwell pointed out. “They said that the Spaatz was the completing achievement for the Cadet Program, and it wasn’t right to let a group of cadets stop. So, we decided that Cadet Command Chiefs can just go ahead and take the Spaatz any time they want without worrying about all the other tests. We’ve done some preliminary studies that show that any command chief can ace the Spaatz in his sleep.”

“We scratched our heads for a while about what to do with them if they decided to take the Spaatz,” said Harwell. “I mean, how do you go from being one of the elite few to being just another colonel? But then someone on the committee with exposure to the British Air Cadets remembered their highest cadet enlisted rank is the warrant officer. It was like a bolt of lightning! Only warrants are more insular and have more disregard for the normal rules than Command Chiefs. So, we’re also planning to bring back the cadet warrant officer rank, and they’ll serve as the Spaatz of the cadet NCO corps.”

“Of course, Cadet Command Chiefs will receive an accelerated promotion on becoming Senior members,” Harwell continued. “At this point, the thinking is they’ll promote directly to major, to reflect their level of responsibility in the cadet corps, as well as their years of experience ‘in the trenches’ of the Cadet Program.”

“We can support this,” said C/CMSgt Brenda Campbell. Campbell serves as the Cadet Command Chief Master Sergeant of Illinois Wing, and is the current president of the Civil Air Patrol Cadet Sergeants Association. “It’s not like any of us would ever consider becoming a lieutenant of any kind. Not even as a Senior member.”

“One of the key things about this rank is that these cadets are not subject to normal cadet regulations,” Harwell said. “This is to ensure they have the independence they need to do their jobs effectively without fear of being repressed by the chain of command. We’ve already seem this pay off in spades during our tests last summer.”

Several Cadet Command Chief Master Sergeants were appointed for evaluation during the encampment season, and were sent to different encampments. According to reports on various social media sites, confirmed with direct interviews by AuxNewsNow, they busied themselves correcting Senior members and cadets indiscriminately. One witness told of seeing a Cadet Command Chief correct a Senior captain with a ‘knife hand’ gesture. The witness claimed the captain visibly broke down during the correction.

“I got my ass reamed by the Cadet Command Chief because I wasn’t wearing my PT belt,” said one cadet lieutenant who wished to remain anonymous. “I wish I’d never taken the Mitchell.”

“My Wing Commander made some sort of suggestion about how I should concentrate on the junior cadets, and leave the cadet officers and Senior members alone,” said one wing’s Cadet Command Chief. “But what are they going to do, demote me? I told him to go [expletive] himself. He ran into his office and locked the door.”

“Of course we’re learning as we go,” said Harwell. “For instance, we’ve found that in order to excel, these cadet leaders need some separation from the rank and file. So, we’re working on addendums to the encampment manual that specify that Cadet Command Chiefs have their own quarters and their own dining facilities. Where separate dining facilities aren’t available, they’ll be encouraged to eat on the economy.”

With the patronage of Cadet Command Chiefs, who have been busily forming ‘Top 3 Associations’ at local units, Cadet NCO clubs have been springing up at squadron meeting locations nationwide. When one Cadet Command Chief complained that his cadet NCOs weren’t allowed into the staff NCO club on the active military post that hosts his unit, the support of the Air Force Sergeants Association and the CAP Cadet Sergeants Association gained him full access.

“Having the Cadet Command Chief here at wing headquarters has been an immense boon,” claimed Col Rich Howard, Colorado Wing commander. “He’s my right hand, and I don’t know how I ever did without him. But we’ve had to make some accommodations. I had to clear my deputy out of his office to make room for the Cadet Command Chief. And the Cadet Command Chief’s challenge coins ran out what was left of the discretionary money, so we had to take his travel budget out of the wing vehicle maintenance account.”

Based on the generally positive reaction from the field, there are rumors that the experiment will be expanded to the Region and National level.