Training Chaos in the Skies: Air Force Intercept Gone Wrong
by ANN Staff
Somewhere over the Mid-Atlantic Region — Tensions were high, airspeeds were low, and professionalism was utterly absent this past weekend as a routine Air Force training intercept mission spiraled into chaos—albeit at a very slow pace, and with snacks.
An F-15 Eagle from the 104th Fighter Wing, piloted by 1st Lt. Travis “Thumper” MacMillan, was scrambled for a practice intercept of a Civil Air Patrol (CAP) aircraft flying a simulated incursion mission. But what was intended to be a straightforward exercise quickly devolved into a harrowing aerial ordeal.
The CAP aircrew, flying a well-aged Cessna 182 at what was described as “roughly the speed of a committed jogger,” was supposed to simulate a slow-moving threat aircraft. Instead, the duo—Maj. Larry “Gooseberry” Tompkins and 1st Lt. Janet “Snackpack” McKinney—decided to inject ‘additional realism’ into the exercise.
“I got on their wing and expected them to acknowledge the intercept,” said a visibly shaken Lt. MacMillan during a post-flight press conference. “Instead, one of them waved with a half-eaten jelly donut in her hand, and the other was was head-down in a Nintendo Switch. I think they were terraforming an island in Animal Crossing in the middle of the intercept.”
Lt. MacMillan reported multiple failed attempts to establish radio contact. “They responded only once, and it was to ask if we had Wi-Fi.”
The Incident Escalates
At approximately 4,500 feet, with the F-15 carefully pacing the Cessna at what one ground crew member called “dangeriously low throttle settings,” things took a turn when the CAP crew, in an apparent act of “target realism,” began jettisoning empty Dunkin’ Donuts coffee cups from their aircraft.
“At first I thought it was chaff,” said MacMillan. “Then I saw the pink-and-orange logo spinning toward my canopy. One cup actually bounced off the glass. Bounced off the glass! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get coffee off a canopy? My crew chief is pissed.”
The F-15’s engine briefly stuttered, indicating one cup may have entered an intake. MacMillan initiated a defensive climb and requested an immediate RTB (return to base), citing “enemy beverage ordnance.”
Meanwhile, back aboard the CAP aircraft, Maj. Tompkins reportedly radioed a half-hearted “Oops, our bad” and offered to Venmo the Air Force for damages. The crew then returned to their home airport at an unhurried 95 knots, pausing only to request clearance for “touch-and-go-and-drive-thru.”
The Aftermath
“We were simulating a rogue aircraft on a bodega run,” said 1st Lt. McKinney, wiping jelly donut sugar from her flight suit. “You think the bad guys are going to stop flying just because they’re low on battery life? We take realism seriously.”
When asked if any disciplinary action would be taken against the CAP crew, a spokesperson replied, “Have you ever tried disciplining volunteers who log flight hours just to expense egg sandwiches?”
Air Force leadership was quick to downplay the incident.
“This was an important and… let’s say unconventional training opportunity,” said Brig. Gen. Dan “Buzzkill” Morris. “We’re “Training Complete” on this one. But we’ll be reviewing CAP’s protocols on in-flight snacks, dunnage disposal, and recreational use of electronics. In the future we may require CAP crews to submit to an inspection of their takeout bags prior to takeoff. Or at least switch to decaf.”
Lt. MacMillan, summed up his experience by saying, “I train to shoot down fighters, not to get coffee-bombed by a slow-moving pastry cart.”
