Vanguard Sues CAP for Trademark Infringement
by ANN Staff
MAXWELL AFB — In what legal scholars are already calling “both unprecedented and utterly on-brand,” Vanguard Industries, the official uniform and merchandise supplier for Civil Air Patrol, has filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against Civil Air Patrol.
“They’re displaying our intellectual property and trademarks all over the place,” said Vanguard spokesperson Karen Delbrocco at a hastily convened press conference held inside a branded pop-up tent. “We have exclusive rights to sell those items.”
The lawsuit, filed in the U.S. Court of Merchandising Appeals, accuses CAP of “unauthorized display and distribution of logos, seals, and other revenue-generating symbology” on uniforms, buildings, challenge coins, and “several disturbingly creative morale patches.”
CAP Scrambles for Damage Control
CAP’s legal counsel, Col Denise Halstrom, called the suit “deeply confusing and spiritually exhausting.”
“They’ve gone insane,” Halstrom said. “We had to repaint the Bird Dog!”
She was referring to the iconic static-display aircraft mounted outside CAP’s National Headquarters on South Hansell Street. Recent photos show its CAP roundel sloppily covered in what appears to be frowny face sprayed in Rust-Oleum “Sunset Taupe”.
“It was either that or get hit with another cease-and-desist,” Halstrom added. “They sent one last week because someone used the words Vanguard Gray in a Wing newsletter.”
A Long History of Brand Aggression
Vanguard’s legal argument hinges on its decades-long relationship with CAP, which includes outfitting members with regulation uniforms, coffee mugs, letter openers, and mysteriously expensive belt buckles.
“Look, we love Civil Air Patrol,” said Delbrocco. “But when they start giving away their own branding for free—on squadron websites, in graduation slide decks, or on Instagram posts with bad lighting—it threatens our ability to charge $42.99 for a logo hoodie.”
The suit alleges multiple infractions, including:
- Unauthorized placement of the CAP seal on promotional flyers without purchase of a “Marketing License Subscription Package™”
- Improper use of the CAP triangle on birthday cakes
- “Reckless distribution” of morale patches featuring stylized Minutemen, flaming aircraft, or cartoon tacos
Fallout and Rebranding Efforts
In response, several Wings have temporarily rebranded themselves to avoid additional litigation. Colorado Wing now operates as the Volunteer Aerial Friends Network (VAFN), and Missouri has reportedly switched to calling its squadrons “Air Clans.”
“We’re hoping this all blows over,” said Lt Col Mike Evans of the Great Lakes Region. “In the meantime, we’ve instructed members to tape over their nameplates and refer to themselves only as ‘Aviation Youth Leaders in Blue.’”
CAP NHQ issued a blanket memo instructing all units to replace official logos with simple clipart of eagles “until further notice.”
Vanguard Defends Its Position
“We’re just protecting our brand,” said Delbrocco. “We’ve invested millions into perfecting the trademarked shade of Regulation Beige, and we’re not going to let some Cadet in Ohio slap it on a recruiting TikTok for free.”
Asked if Vanguard might consider relaxing its position given that it’s suing a nonprofit auxiliary of the U.S. Air Force for using its own logo, Delbrocco responded: “Not unless we can monetize that, too.”
When pressed further, she confirmed Vanguard is developing a new line of CAP-Infringement Compliant™ apparel for members to wear while under litigation, including:
- A blank t-shirt with a post-it that reads “Air Patrol?”
- A reversible nameplate that just says “ALLEGED MEMBER”
- A $74.99 zip-up hoodie that features a holographic sticker reading: LICENSED TO EXIST
The Future of the Brand
The case is expected to drag on for months, during which time CAP may be forced to lease back its own logo through a Vanguard Loyalty Subscription Program™ (starting at $12.99/month, uniform patches not included).
In the meantime, members are advised to refer all branding questions to the official CAP Public Affairs Helpdesk, which has already changed its name to HelpDesk™ (A Division of Vanguard Holdings).
Correction: An earlier version of this article referred to “CAP Polo Gray.” We have been informed that the official color is Vanguard-Registered Textile Tone 5A™ and deeply regret the oversight.
