CAP Historians: Defining History

by ANN Staff

MAXWELL AFB — Under increasing pressure to include ‘recent’ events in their reports, Civil Air Patrol historians nationwide are pushing back, declaring anything less than 25 years old to be “current-frickin’-events” and, therefore, not their job.

“I was asked to include something about last month’s Wing Conference,” said Maj. Alton Derksen, a historian and proud custodian of faded squadron rosters from 1963. “If it didn’t happen during the Cold War or involve someone named ‘Colonel Earl,’ I’m not touching it.”

“Isn’t the idea that we preserve legacy?” asked Capt. Jake Holloway, squinting at the draft of his Wing’s Annual Historian’s Report, which currently contains only one sentence: “2024: Not as good as 1944.”

“Our historian’s great at telling you what we did in 1944, but ask him what happened since 1998 and he acts like CAP ceased to exist,” said Capt. Mike Rafferty, a unit commander in the Midwest. “Cuz we all know the story—hey, we sank two subs, right? So basically nothing happened after World War II. Who cares what we did during the Cold War, or the 80s, or, I don’t know, last year,” Rafferty says with a touch of frustration. “I just needed a short summary of last year to turn in to wing. Instead, he sent me a declassified mission report from 1943 and told me, ‘This is the good stuff.’”

“If it happened after Windows 95,” said Lt Col Ramona Smith, “that’s the PAO’s job.”

CAP historians say they’re often pressured to document banquets, briefings, and Cadet promotions “where the certificates still smell like fresh toner.” One Region Historian quipped, “Call me when you’ve got black-and-white photos where everyone’s indoors chain-smoking.”

At press time, CAP historians were circulating a proposed amendment to CAPR 50-1 that would officially define “history” as “anything older than the cadets currently attending encampment.” The amendment includes a helpful flowchart titled “Did It Involve Dial-Up Internet?” with two branches: Yes = History / No = Go Away.